Thursday, April 27, 2006

until next time...

I won't say 'goodbye for the weekend' because last time I did that, I was gone for a month. At any rate, I have safely arrived at finals week and don't know how much play time I will have to blog between now and next Thursday. So sadly, I must say 'until next time...'

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

i should be….

i should be studying for finals. i should be studying but everyday now i run home to check my favorite blogs, a list that grows uninhibited. i should be studying but every blog i read makes me feel a little more normal and connected, so that i keep reading as time marches on. the chores are done, dinner was served and cleaned up, and i am home alone. i'm alone and my time is mine. i should choose school but for a moment school is not what i want. all i want is to be here, quietly contemplating the thoughts of my invisible friends, of my invisible family. all i want is to know you and be known. to embrace you as you cry and shed a tear of my own. to laugh together as we share our blunders and foes. to exist in a world that is increasingly accepting. i should be, but i'm not...and i'm okay with that.

Monday, April 24, 2006


Most of you know that I have recently taken to cooking, something that I should have started long ago. Well, it's certainly been an interesting yet fun experience. With little prior experience and a brand new cookbook, I set off not knowing exactly where to start. I had husband choose some meals he wanted to try and began a list of ingredients I would need to buy (which was everything). So far the project didn't seem too hard and fit well into the "layout, plan, and execute" format that I have mastered over the last few years of school. So, with my list in hand I went to the market...only to discover that I didn't even know what half of the items on my list were. Thank God my mom happened to call because otherwise I would never have known that dry sherry isn't in fact dry and my list of what sounded like foreign animals, were actually just spices. An hour and a half later, I was home and ready to cook.

My first meal, using all fresh produce, would have been a hit had I not misread one small ingredient. It looked good and certainly smelled good but the real test was going to be feeding it to husband (whose mother is a retired cook). When I finally tasted my first bite I realized something went terribly wrong. Immediately my eyes began to burn and I swear a drop of sweat collected at my brow. Taking a peak back at the recipe I read 1/8 teaspoon black pepper. Now, I honestly can't tell you how much pepper I added but I do know that whatever spoon I used, I added two scoops. I don't know about you, but there are no spoons in my kitchen that, when doubled, equal 1/8 of a teaspoon.

...and that was just the first dish. Since then, we have discovered that a garlic glove is one of the little pieces from the bundle and not the bundle itself, that directions are put in order for a reason and that peppers that look like jalapeños, but four times the size, are not in fact the same thing. We have a long way to go but I have to say that the process has been great fun. Husband has not only picked the meals but helped me cook them. We have cooked several meals together and early this morning we made breakfast, went grocery shopping, and worked out together. I love it...mistakes and all.

Friday, April 21, 2006

{got ya}

spring has sprung! :)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Silencing the beast

My dog has been barking incessantly for the past five minutes and I want so badly to throw something at him to silence the treachery. I love him, (probably more than the rest of the human race will ever understand) but right now he falls right into the category of the 'little dog.' Anyone who has ever hated little dogs knows the bark that I speak of. It isn't the normal, “I just want to scare the FedEx man," or "get the hell out of my yard" bark. Instead, it's a high-pitched shrill that says "I'm barking because I can." Believe it or not, I didn’t set out to blog about my dog, but seeing as how I repeatedly fail to silence the little beastling, I could think of nothing else to write.

ahhh…silence at last.

Now, before my dog began singing his version of ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, I was going to tell you about my recent endeavors. Over spring break my sister Joleen, taught me how to knit. What she doesn’t know, is that she taught me a few other lessons along the way, in addition to serving as a source of motivation. I was so sad to leave her and my grandma but simultaneously excited for the opportunities ahead. Since I came home, husband and I bought a new cookbook which I have already come to know and love. I am still knitting (with warm feelings of tenderness for the process), and have even found a scant amount of joy in keeping up with the household chores. Can you tell the end of the school year is near?

grrr…{he} just remembered that he stopped barking. More on my cooking adventures (and I do mean adventures) to come…

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

the end....and the beginning.

Today was my last clinical day for the semester, which is oh so bitter-sweet. Every year I find myself anxiously anticipating clinical days, I experience troubled sleep the night before, and I have often wondered if the end product of all my work will be worth the sweat, blood, and tears that I have contributed over the past three years. Yet ironically, the closer I get to graduating, the more I cling to the comfort of having an instructor looking over my shoulder and double checking the medications I am about to give. I cling to the friendships I have made through mutual suffering. I cling to the security and certainty of a class schedule and laid-out assignments. I hate these things and yet I adore them. I run from them and simultaneously look back to see that they are still with me. I want the freedom and responsibility that comes with the profession and am scared to death of what can happen when I am more than a 'student nurse.'

Monday, April 17, 2006

Just stopping By

I am sort of bummed because in all the excitement of my spring break and of course Easter, I didn't take a photo of my own. I have nothing tangible to show of a wonderful week!!! Perhaps I will borrow from someone who was more 'on top of things,' as they say. So, here is the link to my sister's (Joleen) blog, if you want to meet someone terrific and see some shots from the last week or so.

Unfortunately the same absent-mindedness has been following me for a while. I have got to snap out of it and reprioritize. Lately I feel like everything I do is on the run and therefore, is not quite done to the best of my ability...yes, that includes blogging. I feel like I am running around and 'just stopping by' everywhere I go. I am embarrassed to admit, that I even ran a red light today. It wasn't even close to being green. I just went, and I'm lucky I didn't cause an accident or kill someone. As scary as that was, it sort of woke me up. I am going to try my best, over the next few days, to really concentrate on what I am be selective about the activities I choose and to slow down. Wish me luck and for those of you who have been running around as fellow chickens, I pray for a moment of peace for you.

Until next time...

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Beautiful Sunday

Happy Easter...the most beautiful Sunday. (Pictures to follow).

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Option Number Three (a bit graphic)

I have heard that giving birth is a miracle beyond words. While I am sure it is, I have something to say about it. I spent another day in the NICU yesterday and attended two deliveries from high-risk pregnancies. The first was an emergency cesarean followed (minutes later) by a normal, spontaneous, vaginal delivery. While I'm standing there viewing, what to me, looks horrific, I begin contemplating my own options. I have seen several deliveries before but have always viewed the pains associated with birth, as a mischance peculiar to 'those women' and not at all incidental to myself. Some day, it is likely that I will have a child of my own and when that day comes, I hope against all hope that they have discovered some other means of extracting the slimy lizard (what my husband calls all newborns) from my body. I’m thinking, they can take it from my ear as long as it does no permanent damage and doesn’t involve placing any of my organs on the outside of my body.

If you’ve never seen the delivery of a baby, I have to say, it is quite amazing. I have no problem with that element of the miracle. I also have no problem (as morbid as it sounds) watching ‘those women’ go through whatever means necessary to bring their buddle of joy, into the world. I can stand all day and watch one uterus after another, be weaseled out of the abdomen and placed on top of the woman having a cesarean. The same goes for vaginal delivery…as long as we are not talking about me. I would rather be at the other end to catch my baby, instead of the one pushing it out. You know what did it for me? The woman who had the vaginal delivery ripped all the way down to her anus and I’m thinking to myself that has to be equivalent to kicking a male, you know where, times ten. Do women honestly ever want to have sex again after inflicting so much trauma on the precious va-j-j? Don’t answer that! My point is, I think I know too much, and have seen way too much to ever enter into this contract lightly—I choose option number three.

Monday, April 03, 2006

ok, so i lied

As you all know by now...I did not in actuality return to the wonderful world of blogging, and as some of you mentioned I have not commented on other blogs in quite some time either. I am sorry. My weekend turned into a bit of a sabbatical and I found that when I had time to blog, I didn't know where to start, or frankly didn't feel up to blogging at all.

That being said, I would like to take a moment to thank you all for your faithfulness and support during this time. I found something interesting in my period of absence...I seem to have some silent stalkers. ::wink:: You know who you are, and to you I say, thanks for reading and feel free to pipe in with a comment once and a while.

Okay, so there it is. It isn't much, and it isn't profound, but I'm least until I run out of things to say.