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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Option Number Three (a bit graphic)

I have heard that giving birth is a miracle beyond words. While I am sure it is, I have something to say about it. I spent another day in the NICU yesterday and attended two deliveries from high-risk pregnancies. The first was an emergency cesarean followed (minutes later) by a normal, spontaneous, vaginal delivery. While I'm standing there viewing, what to me, looks horrific, I begin contemplating my own options. I have seen several deliveries before but have always viewed the pains associated with birth, as a mischance peculiar to 'those women' and not at all incidental to myself. Some day, it is likely that I will have a child of my own and when that day comes, I hope against all hope that they have discovered some other means of extracting the slimy lizard (what my husband calls all newborns) from my body. I’m thinking, they can take it from my ear as long as it does no permanent damage and doesn’t involve placing any of my organs on the outside of my body.

If you’ve never seen the delivery of a baby, I have to say, it is quite amazing. I have no problem with that element of the miracle. I also have no problem (as morbid as it sounds) watching ‘those women’ go through whatever means necessary to bring their buddle of joy, into the world. I can stand all day and watch one uterus after another, be weaseled out of the abdomen and placed on top of the woman having a cesarean. The same goes for vaginal delivery…as long as we are not talking about me. I would rather be at the other end to catch my baby, instead of the one pushing it out. You know what did it for me? The woman who had the vaginal delivery ripped all the way down to her anus and I’m thinking to myself that has to be equivalent to kicking a male, you know where, times ten. Do women honestly ever want to have sex again after inflicting so much trauma on the precious va-j-j? Don’t answer that! My point is, I think I know too much, and have seen way too much to ever enter into this contract lightly—I choose option number three.

5 Comments:

Blogger la vie en rose said...

well i had to go with option 2 (the c-section) and when i saw the pics of my belly split wide open i about died!

9:34 AM  
Blogger ♥ joleen ♥ said...

OMG me too (option 3, please!). You should see my face. Ew. Thanks for the BC. lol

10:08 PM  
Blogger aunt kim said...

Nothing is too graphic for me :) You are too funny though...seriously, your ear???

7:01 AM  
Blogger madness rivera said...

It's SO different being on the, uh, other end of birth. You are not even THINKING about what is happening to you physically - I mean, there's the pain, but you are not conscious about what is actually happening to your body. It's all more spiritual and emotional. And the V has amazing healing powers.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Ahhh!! That's hillarious! I too apprecite the miracle of both pregnancy and birth, but was completley realistic about the weirdness of both! Being pregnant really weirded me out, I felt strange being plural all the time. I did not enjoy being pregnant, I was uncomfortable and I peed all the time. But feeling those little baby kicks made it all worth while. And it's not like you can change your mind in the middle of it! hee hee
My world was rocked by having a living person come out of me. I gross my husband out talking about it all the time. But the drugs are awesome and they keep you on "happy pills", I mean pain killers, until the vag gets better. And when it does - trust me - you're ready to reward it with a little grown up time with your man!
I'm just glad to hear someone tell it like it is. My mom kept telling me the whole time I was preggos how much she just loved being pregnant. Drove me nuts!

8:16 AM  

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