too much chicken -->

Monday, May 08, 2006

kill or be killed

I’m sitting here utterly exhausted but satisfied with the work I have done in the past 48 hours. I am tired. I was tired when I got home but still had a thirty minute workout between me and the blessed hour that my head would fall weight-bound onto the lumpy yet inviting pillow that I call my own. I hope for a night of peaceful sleep. I’d like to think this is the least I deserve but I decide to conserve my energy.

Tomorrow I will wake to a whining dog in the wee hours of the morning, created by my own laziness when I refused to clean another litter box. God I pray my child never wants a cat. I will once again embark on my endeavor to change the composition (or rather the shape) of my being because my body demands it of me and because I like the illusion of control that I have when I decide how many bicep curls to do.

I’ll spend a lengthy hour getting ready, meander through three piles of laundry, and maybe pay a couple of bills—all the while, looking with resentment at the new statistics book that occupies the once coveted space that is my desk. I am resolved to attack this course like a lion, selfishly thrashing away and devouring my prey. Eat or be eaten, kill or be killed…or more realistically, finish the course with a decent grade, or tack another $28,000.00 in tuition for a fifth year at APU. The latter has the voice of my parents hauntingly chanting “kill or be killed” in the temporal lobe of my brain. I want to be done before Stateline, before June, but the clock is ticking and I am sixteen lessons from the finish line. Sixteen lessons means that I haven’t cracked the book and even though I am willing every ounce of my body to have discipline, the majority of me wants to disappear into The Time Traveler’s Wife. For those of you who have read this best-selling masterpiece, by first time novelist, Audrey Niffenegger, you have to agree with me that a statistics course over the summer, just doesn’t measure up. Nonetheless, I fear the likeliness of my lion/death analogy if I don’t get started.

5 Comments:

Blogger la vie en rose said...

statistics?!?!?! ugh!!! i'm with you, i'd much rather disappear into a really good novel...

9:30 AM  
Blogger Joleen's Mom said...

Good Luck sweetie! Maybe you could use your novel as a treat. You get to read an hour of it after each lesson completed. Maybe you should add some chocolate to that prize! Hugs...

10:00 AM  
Blogger *aimee* said...

Sounds good to me. :o)

10:17 AM  
Blogger ♥ joleen ♥ said...

so where are you now? ;)

1:15 AM  
Blogger bluepaul said...

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3:59 AM  

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