too much chicken -->

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Hard Core Truth

We're going to try something here. I'm going to try something here. For the past few months I have blogged sporadically, only when I deemed my life/thoughts worth reading and (even more realistic) only when the material was easy to write and cope with. I figure that if I write something, it's out there. If I want to change my mind or the way I feel, I can but the world will know that at one point, I felt the way I did and had the stupidity to verbalize it…and the world will remember. If you were to look back at any of the journals I started over the years, you would fall asleep with boredom. I seem to have a Stepford complex in which my world must appear perfect, when we all know it is not. I sort of laugh at this revelation because all my unfinished journals are memoirs of the day to day happenings of my life, without any juicy details that we would all rather hear about. All of my journals have pages that have been ripped out. I would write about things—how I really felt, my views or interpretations of events and later, having read them after some time, I somehow felt compelled to erase the evidence. Only recently have I started sharing the rotten things I say, do, and think, with trusted family and friends and each of them has proved the theory of my younger self, wrong; they all still love me and ironically come back for more. I don’t fully understand it. So, the something I am going to try is this…I am going to use this blog (for an unspecified time) to really journal for myself. Its content is not meant to offend anyone although I can’t promise it wont. My motive is rather selfish—this journal is for me. My goal is to present the hard core truth to and about myself, to have something raw to look back at, and to learn to be real in the midst of my own high expectations and that of my environment. For now, I will try to write at least every other day, but my hope is that I find joy in the journey and journaling becomes a treasured habit.


Blogger aunt kim said...

I am looking forward to reading it! No pressure now :)

Good for you though....I am glad that you are going to do this. It takes much courage to let others into your personal space, let alone family members. So many things on my mind right now...way too much to try to journal..but thats another story.

I do enjoy looking back and reading about the past, sometimes its good and of course sometimes not.

Love ya!

8:52 PM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Good for you-part of me wants to try this too

10:03 PM  
Blogger ♥ joleen ♥ said...

I'm really hoping this can be a good thing for you. I am honored that you're wanting to share and grow with me (reader). I hope only the same raw honesty for myself. xo

10:36 PM  
Blogger Joleen's Mom said...

Wow, I really look forward to sharing this part of your life with you. It takes a lot of courage to face ourselves honestly, much less hang it all out there. Good luck with that honey, and don't put too much pressure on yourself to blog every other day. Sometimes those kind of expectations turn into stress for you. Hugs.....

7:47 AM  
Blogger Joleen's Mom said...

ps....LOVE the new banner. It goes very well with your new endeavor. :)

7:54 AM  
Blogger aunt kim said...

I love the new look too!

8:33 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

i think this is wonderful and i hope you find it rewarding. i trashed the very first diary i ever kept as a kid because i was embarressed by some of the things i said. now i wish i hadn't done that. maybe it was stupid and childish but that's where i was then...and we all grow and change and change our minds about life. and talk about telling the world about things you can't ever get back--on my blog today i confessed my deep love for jake gyllenhaal. talk about maybe regretting something sometime in the future...

11:31 AM  

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