too much chicken -->

Monday, July 10, 2006

Feeling What?


Nobody condemns and not a single person has cast judgment in my direction. Everybody wants to help and yet I feel…what? What is it that I am feeling? What is this emotion that is so foreign to me, I can not name it? Can it be possible that I feel anxious while at peace? Undeserving while appreciatively accepting? Can I be found the moment I am lost? Were I to list the emotions limited to my vocabulary, I fear I should fall short of labeling the one I feel now.

Perhaps it is humility—productive shame, power brought under control. Or gratitude toward those I love. Toward those who love me, those who lift me up when I feel too small to move. Maybe it is defeat—powerlessness to control my circumstance, to control others. I’ve considered desire, fear, hope, doubt, passion, survival. No. These words do not satisfy my hunger. They do not answer my questions. They do nothing for me. What I feel is a stranger to my life. It does not take from me but I do not know of its willingness to give.

6 Comments:

Blogger ♥ joleen ♥ said...

what an interesting contradiction. i guess that's why they sometimes say, "there are no words".

4:18 PM  
Blogger aunt kim said...

Big hugs to you!!!

8:45 PM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

very powerful aimee! the words combined with the photo--beautifully touching, my dear! you've been doing some really amazing posting lately. digging in and daring to go deeper. stay with it. it is very powerful and very inspiring!

9:17 AM  
Blogger my pink sky said...

a stranger to my life...that's me too these days. my sweet friend jillian describes it as losing your mojo. you will find the words and yourself...keep searching within.

4:35 AM  
Blogger mayseek life said...

aimee..came to your site by way of a comment you left at "a sweet life",michelles shot of the tree. you mention that tree had been waiting for so long for someone to come along and appreciate it fully. i love that language! and as i read your post i am reminded that whether or not one is "seen"(appreciated) by the outside world -the value of existence doesn't cease. it just is...

9:18 AM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Very powerful sp.

I am hugging you

and sending you love

11:27 PM  

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